It's slowly beginning to sink in that there really is no such thing as a false positive pregnancy test. It's really true. Ever so slowly, my mind is beginning to imagine what it might be like to have a baby at the beginning of November.
A miscarriage between Noah and Phoebe has made me ever so much more hesitant to get my hopes up, though. With both pregnancies afterwards, I have braced myself for the reality that it could happen again.
So I began this week by scheduling my first OB appointment, ever so eager to see a heartbeat that would begin to put my mind at rest. Got it on the calendar for March 30th, and even the simple act of scheduling it has made me so much more relieved.
With our miscarriage, I didn't know anything was wrong until I went in for my first regular appointment at 10 weeks, and expected everything to be normal. In fact, I was so unprepared for unexpected news that Tim wasn't even with me for that appointment. So, I have it on the calendar between 7-8 weeks, and that's a relief to me. This time, I am prepared that the appointment might not go as planned, and if that's the case, I'll know way ahead of the 10 week mark, which also, somehow makes me feel better. In any case, even though it sounds silly even to me, I am feeling more reassured just to know that in a short matter of time, I'll either see a heartbeat or not.
Until then, I'm beginning to dream of a baby in November, but holding very loosely to the idea. I've learned the hard way that you never know what can happen.
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